From bad to worst....
nothing new to report...just on borrowed time...
I thought I had deleted this blog- but then I tried to create a new one & this one came back- go figure-is delete just sleeping?

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His best friends girl
I'm not a jealous person nor am I a fool. I've seen it before. He's falling for his best friends girl. He is so entralled with everything she says & does. He compares me to her all the time. And even asks her if she agrees with some of my ideas & has her explain me to him! He won't listen to me but hangs on her every word! If he treated me the way he treats her we would get along fine. She can do no wrong & I can do no right in his eyes. He works so hard to impress her & couldn't care less what I think. I got pissed because he sang "Our song to her"- how would he like it if I sang the song to some other guy?
He has always talked about buying or starting a business. But now that I plan to with the sale of my house- he won't even discuss it with me. She said she wouldn't want to own a business- let someone else deal with the headaches. Right away he agrees with her! Never does he back any of my opinions.
It's all the little things- the way he mentions her name- spends the evening hung on her every word- so interested in what she did that day- so impressed with her opinions- so happy to see her. He says he's just being polite! I wish he would be that polite to me- he was the first two months we were together. He treats her the way he treated me when we first started dating. I sure don't want to watch him treat another woman like he's on a date with her!
I've seen it before- I know the signs- inocent flirting that leads to more. I never thought my sister would screw me over when she was flirting with my b/f either. The attraction of the forbidden-
It's time to get out- I'll be moving out of two homes this month. He won't even miss me.

Flip side
This past week I have spent a lot of time at my house that goes on the market next week-
Only home (at his place) a couple days- and it's wierd- one minute he's attentive & the next neglectful. For instance... he bought us matching watches- out of the blue- an unexpected gift.
And he got in the shower with me- I hate to take showers alone- well not hate but dislike. I didn't even have to invite him. So that was nice.
I only weigh 118 pounds but he is constantly teasing me about my wieght.
The rest of the time he spent in the garage working on his car- knowing that I would be leaving in a couple hours for a couple days. Like that couldn't wait until after I left. He came in the house in time for the ball game & to tell me good bye. I don't expect that much- but if I'm going to be gone for a couple days at least spend an hour with me before I leave.

House For Sale
I've put my house up for sale- it goes on the market Oct 1st. I'll be making a tidy little profit on it. And I'm planning to open up a craft & hobby shop- so I have been busy with my business plan- besides packing & getting the house ready for the open house showing. He doesn't want to hear anything about my business plan & thinks I'm goofy. He resents the time I spend at the house- I only have a week to get it in order- to pack up 25 years of my life. This is not a sudden decession- I have been thinking about it for years.
Last year he said he would marry me if I sold my house- because he didn't want the responsablity of it- I wasn't ready to give it up-
he thought I was neglecting this house because I had to take of that house too- pay those bills & take care of that yard. This house is not neglected- he just resents the time I spend at my house.and my pay checks going there.
I guess he thought if I sold my house I would put the money into this (his) house. So he is really down on my business plan.. I don't ask him for money. He has three old classic cars that he puts his money into. And if I want to start a businees with the sale of my house More power to me. I need something to fall back on if we don't work things out. and I don't want to work in shops all my life- I hate that work.
It would be nice if he wasn't so negative about everything I say do or plan. If he could back some of my dreams & goals. Trust my judgement a little & respect my opinions.

Good Days/ Bad Days
Is there a chance that we can work this out? It seems the bad days out number the good. It is hard to plan together when there is so much keeping us apart. What do we have going for us? Why are we together? Has too much damage been done? Is there a chance to work it out? Do we even want to work it out? Can we find love again? Was it ever even really love in the first place? I don't want to give up on us. But he doesn't want anything I want. I get so many mixed emotions from him. He is so hard to talk to. I feel like he is always dismissing me or just walking away. Then he gets mad because I don't talk to him. When I feel shut out I clam up. We have a major commutication promble! I feel I always have to defend myself to him...

class reunion
His class reunion is next year & He said he doesn't want me to go with him! IAM Pissed! why wouldn't he want me to go if he wasn't attending in hope of running into an old flame? If he doesn't want me with him it can only be because he wants to be avaiable just in case! He says it's because I wouldn't know anyone there- Bull! when we go to his old hang-outs I don't know anyone- until he introduces me!
Guys never want to bring g/f's to reunions but it seems girls want their recent guys with them. We don't attend (usually)to scout old flames- But it appears that's the only reason guy's go is in hope to hook up with perhaps the one that got away?
He is seven years older than me...
He said that last time he took a date to his reunion she ended up dating one of his friends- becuz there was men there in the age group that she wanted....
We have been together almost two years now- if he goes without me it will be the end of us.

What's gotten into him?
Yesterday he hugged me first & didn't pull away first! Then when we went out HE bought me a rose & asked me to dance!
He hates to dance & refuses to buy me flowers! Then in one day he does three nice things for me out of the blue! Things he has refused to do all year. Suddenly he treats me like a girl friend....

Tell me something good....
He is a good man- just a control freak- Everyone likes him. He has a sence of humor. He's witty & clever. He's a hard worker. He loves animals.
He's just so emotionally seflish with me. He thinks romance is whimpy. And if you are nice to your woman you are hen-pecked, a slipper-hero.
He doesn't care how it breaks my heart every time he puts me down, or how rejected I always feel.
I don't feel I should have to always defend myself to my man. I don't see us growing old together- I don't see us together next year. He will never love me the way I need to be loved.
Friends with benifts- only in the opposite directions. No love life.

A life without love
How long can I stay in this loveless relationship? No tenderness, no romance, always feeling unimportant- like a flower wilting on a vine. I am a good woman & deserve to be treated better & with respect. He doesn't approve of anything I do. He denies & rejects everything I say do or think. On my worst days he turns against me. I've had a couple doctor appointments this past year & on those days he went out drinking & came home jumping in my shit. One was a denist appointment & my face was still numb & I didn't really feel up to a fight. He helped with the denist bill & made me feel so guitly I wish I had my rotten tooth back. The other was a Leep procedure. His wife died of cancer a couple years ago so I am not allowed to get sick! The day of my surgrey he goes out drinking, comes home mad & orney. he will never be there for me or be on my side. So why are we together? Because we don't feel like looking for anyone else.
On our anniversaries & new years eve I wanted to do something special- No way in hell- he's not going to waste money on getting a room or seeing a play- or doing anything I might enjoy. If it's not a car show forget it! He use to care how I felt & if I was happy or sad but that was last year. Now I'm just a housekeeper & groundskeeper & not good enought at either. No matter what I do he finds something I haven't done- I work at temp assignments- some last a couple months, some a couple weeks & sometimes I'm off a couple weeks. He getts mad if I'm not working like a dog. He works first shift- I prefer second shift so when I'm on an assignment we see very little of each other. When I'm between jobs I never ask him for money- I hate to ask him for anything.
He said he wanted to make my life easier & I wounldn't have to work - when he bought this house it was for me- but I can't do anything to it- change cutains or re-arrange furniture or anything. I told him I need one room where I can have my favorite things & have some say about. But he has to control every little thing. He said he wanted to take care of me- sure if I don't need or want anything. I could take care of the world if they no one wanted or needed anything.