Good Days/ Bad Days
Is there a chance that we can work this out? It seems the bad days out number the good. It is hard to plan together when there is so much keeping us apart. What do we have going for us? Why are we together? Has too much damage been done? Is there a chance to work it out? Do we even want to work it out? Can we find love again? Was it ever even really love in the first place? I don't want to give up on us. But he doesn't want anything I want. I get so many mixed emotions from him. He is so hard to talk to. I feel like he is always dismissing me or just walking away. Then he gets mad because I don't talk to him. When I feel shut out I clam up. We have a major commutication promble! I feel I always have to defend myself to him...

class reunion
His class reunion is next year & He said he doesn't want me to go with him! IAM Pissed! why wouldn't he want me to go if he wasn't attending in hope of running into an old flame? If he doesn't want me with him it can only be because he wants to be avaiable just in case! He says it's because I wouldn't know anyone there- Bull! when we go to his old hang-outs I don't know anyone- until he introduces me!
Guys never want to bring g/f's to reunions but it seems girls want their recent guys with them. We don't attend (usually)to scout old flames- But it appears that's the only reason guy's go is in hope to hook up with perhaps the one that got away?
He is seven years older than me...
He said that last time he took a date to his reunion she ended up dating one of his friends- becuz there was men there in the age group that she wanted....
We have been together almost two years now- if he goes without me it will be the end of us.

What's gotten into him?
Yesterday he hugged me first & didn't pull away first! Then when we went out HE bought me a rose & asked me to dance!
He hates to dance & refuses to buy me flowers! Then in one day he does three nice things for me out of the blue! Things he has refused to do all year. Suddenly he treats me like a girl friend....

Tell me something good....
He is a good man- just a control freak- Everyone likes him. He has a sence of humor. He's witty & clever. He's a hard worker. He loves animals.
He's just so emotionally seflish with me. He thinks romance is whimpy. And if you are nice to your woman you are hen-pecked, a slipper-hero.
He doesn't care how it breaks my heart every time he puts me down, or how rejected I always feel.
I don't feel I should have to always defend myself to my man. I don't see us growing old together- I don't see us together next year. He will never love me the way I need to be loved.
Friends with benifts- only in the opposite directions. No love life.

A life without love
How long can I stay in this loveless relationship? No tenderness, no romance, always feeling unimportant- like a flower wilting on a vine. I am a good woman & deserve to be treated better & with respect. He doesn't approve of anything I do. He denies & rejects everything I say do or think. On my worst days he turns against me. I've had a couple doctor appointments this past year & on those days he went out drinking & came home jumping in my shit. One was a denist appointment & my face was still numb & I didn't really feel up to a fight. He helped with the denist bill & made me feel so guitly I wish I had my rotten tooth back. The other was a Leep procedure. His wife died of cancer a couple years ago so I am not allowed to get sick! The day of my surgrey he goes out drinking, comes home mad & orney. he will never be there for me or be on my side. So why are we together? Because we don't feel like looking for anyone else.
On our anniversaries & new years eve I wanted to do something special- No way in hell- he's not going to waste money on getting a room or seeing a play- or doing anything I might enjoy. If it's not a car show forget it! He use to care how I felt & if I was happy or sad but that was last year. Now I'm just a housekeeper & groundskeeper & not good enought at either. No matter what I do he finds something I haven't done- I work at temp assignments- some last a couple months, some a couple weeks & sometimes I'm off a couple weeks. He getts mad if I'm not working like a dog. He works first shift- I prefer second shift so when I'm on an assignment we see very little of each other. When I'm between jobs I never ask him for money- I hate to ask him for anything.
He said he wanted to make my life easier & I wounldn't have to work - when he bought this house it was for me- but I can't do anything to it- change cutains or re-arrange furniture or anything. I told him I need one room where I can have my favorite things & have some say about. But he has to control every little thing. He said he wanted to take care of me- sure if I don't need or want anything. I could take care of the world if they no one wanted or needed anything.

Betrayal.
Men come & go but sisters are supose to be forever. When you date a jerk & break up that should be the end of it UNLESS your sister marrys him! Who wants a lieing cheating ex boyfriend for a brother in law?
Who wants a lieing cheating sister as a friend? Their marriage only lasted five years or so. But I still hate her. How do you forgive someone who is not sorry? and wouldn't hesitate if the opportunity presented itself to screw you over again? A couple years ago she found out this guy had asked me out so she threw herself at him & went home & slept with him. Like she has to prove she can get any man that may be interested me.
It's not just one reason why I hate her- but everything else she has done since then too- she's had years to say she was sorry but has made no attemp to apolize. She tells the family that she has tried but I won't let her! What AM I supose to go to her & ask her if she is sorry? Who done who wrong here?
The thing here is we were double-dating when she was messing around with him behind my back. I knew he was cheating on me, but not with her. I would cry on her shoulder! The phoney bitch.Later I suspected her & called her on it & she denied it because she hadn't broke up with her b/f yet. Then when it came out in the open she claims she didn't know I would be upset. She more or less said to me "You couldn't keep him & I got him- now he's mine" does that sound like an apolize? I threw a glass of water in her face. and that's the last time I spoke to her- I lost track of how many years ago that was.
I don't want a man I can't trust- And I don't need a slut for a sister.

Stars in my eyes
I got married at the age of 17. I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love, than actually loving the guy I married. I thought if I was just the best wife I could be- he would have to love me too. WRONG! He never loved me until I left him. Why is it that guys think they have to be mean & rude to their women? why do they enjoy making them cry? Does it make them feel more like a man by be-littleing their women all the time? I wanted to be in love but I picked the wrong man. The marriage only lasted a few years.I got tired of crying every night so I left. And for the first time in years when I woke up I could smile. It felt so good to be able to smile- I had to remember how it felt.
I never re-married.
One thing I learned is when a guy starts accusing you of things without reason- it means it's because he is guilty of it!

Puppy love
My first love was in the sixth grade with a boy named Kennith. I thought I would die if he ever stopped loving me, but I was too afraid to tell him I loved him too. He told the whole niegborhood how he felt about me & told them to tell me too. So someone was always yelling "Kennith loves you" at me. I was embrassed so I'd run away.
He lived in the house behind mine for a couple years until his parents moved.
The last time I saw him was the week before I got married. We ran into each other at the niegborhood store. The following year he died in a car accident. I regret never telling him how much he meant to me. and I offen wonder what would have become of us if we ever dated...

The stalker
Before the childhood sweetheart was the stalker...this was a truely horrifing time in my life. I always had to be on guard for excape routes. You could never leave your curtains open. And it's such a creepy feeling to know someone was in your house touching your stuff when you weren't there.
He was another man from my past that I got back together with years later only to find out what a big mistake it was! He started hovering over me & smothering me. I told him it wasn't working out & I wanted my life back. He was always watching me from around corners & had to be right in my face all the time. Always putting his hands on my shoulders & I'd get the feeling that he could choke me at any minute. He always knew where my purse (& keys) were at. So I had to hide a extra set of keys. He told me he would kill anyone he ever caught me with. And with every encouner he reminded me he had a gun.
To keep him out of my house I borrowed my sister's pit-bull. That was the last time he broke into my home.
I filed for a protection order but did not have an address for him... we all know how good those do anyway.
This went on for over a year. Then finally he was put in prison for an unrealted incident.
It wasn't until a year later that I felt safe enought to start dating again & thats when I got involved with the man who was in love with his daughter.
I sure can pick them can't I?

Childhood Sweethearts

My previuos relationship was a childhood sweetheart that I met up with again 20 years later. He was the love of my life. Second time around was wonderful for the first six months (what is it about six months for a guy? is that all they can handle being Mr Wonderful?) Gifts & flowers- he treated me like a queen. Romance & tenderness- always holding hands & opening doors. Then once they get you hooked the tables change! Everything & everyone is more important. He has to talk to his ex-wife EVERY day. He worships his 11 year old daughter. Don't get me wrong I love children & have four of them myself (all grown now)- But children are not the boss & don't control everything. His every waking moment was about her- what he could do for her, what to fix her for dinner, what type of tooth paste to get for her, wondering if she was awake,or where to take her the following week end, always what more could he do for her. He had joint cusdy of her. And on the nights that she was with him it was a big production putting her to bed- 15 to 30 minutes to tell her good night & give her back rubs! Everything revolved around her- He gave a 11 year old complete control of his life. He couldn't return phone calls because he might miss a second of her life. Not only did he love his daughter but he was IN LOVE with her! So then too when she wasn't with him he had to talk to his ex wife about her- making plans what to do with her & so on.
He had an accident at work & lost part of his finger. I took a week off from work & took care of him. We almost re-conneted... but it wasn't met to be.
We lasted about a year & then I had enough. The only man I ever really loved- and I walked away- I had to get away to keep my sanity. Not only was he playing mind games with me but with his ex wife also. And all the mothers of his daughter's friends!